All this leaves me feeling torn between two emotions. I want to keep my husband safe and healthy. But I also want our old life back.
It’s her husband, what the hell happened to “in sickness and in health”, did she forget about that vow? Does marriage even mean anything to people anymore? Her “old life” is not going to come back anytime soon, he husband is immunocompromised. That’s never going to change. Support your life partner, as you promised to do so on the day you got married. Those vows are supposed to mean something, they’re not supposed to be empty words. You’re supposed to stick together and support each other through the good and the bad, in sickness and in health as I already said.
But my feelings as his spouse are valid too, says James C. Jackson, a neuropsychologist at Vanderbilt University and author of Clearing the Fog: From Surviving to Thriving with Long COVID, A Practical Guide.
Okay the rest of the article, which is the vast majority of it, is just promotion of this guy’s book and methods, the article is not worth reading, it’s extremely basic relationship advice such as compromising with your partner, and not to gaslight your partner about long COVID. Again, basic empathetic human behaviour.
In January, we flew halfway across the world to visit family in Dubai. At first, I thought that the stringent COVID precautions he was taking to protect himself on the airplane were over the top. In addition to wearing an N95 mask for 13 straight hours, he kept a personal air purifier at his seat at all times. But now I can see those actions for what they are. He was doing everything he could to make the trip work. In his way, he wanted to see me happy.
Stick to those last few sentences and ignore the rest. The guy is doing the best he can to try to make things work. This isn’t some malicious thing. Recognise that and continue to try to make things work together.
All in all, this is a clickbait article to advertise some phycologist’s book and methods, and the wife is not as bad as the introduction makes it seem. Don’t know how such blatant promotion is allowed on NPR though, isn’t that meant to be state funded media?
One of the reasons I never finished my psych degree was the sheer level of con-artistry on display in the profession. It’s fucked up how so many psychologists will just peddle bullshit self-help books that they know are actively going to encourage toxic behaviour in people. Psychology under capitalism is rotted and broken.
It’s awful. There just aren’t any standards. Almost all the modalities are nonsense. I mostly keep going to therapy because it’s a concrete action I can do to prove to myself that I’m still fighting. Most of the time it’s just me talking about my problems to someone who can’t hang up for an hour.
It is awful! Therapists can be very hit or miss. Sometimes they’re little more than a sounding board for you to voice your own concerns and worries towards (Which can help, depending on what you need), sometimes they just have a magical “cure all” solution to problems (I once had a therapist who recommended exercise as a solution to my depression, which shockingly enough, didn’t help me when I didn’t even have the energy to get out of bed.)
Sometimes you can get a good therapist who can offer helpful coping mechanisms for your situation, but a lot of them can sometimes kind of feel like they’re only there for the paycheck. The best therapist I ever had was a volunteer who wasn’t getting paid, because they at least felt genuine (they were a bit “unprofessional” at times, like crying during our sessions sometimes, but that just made it feel like they genuinely were trying to help me).
This sounds like the generic “shop around” advice that you’ve probably already heard a million times before though. Though as you’ve found out, sometimes the act of going to therapy itself is the therapeutic part, proving to yourself that you can push through things.
I thought that the stringent COVID precautions he was taking to protect himself on the airplane were over the top. In addition to wearing an N95 mask for 13 straight hours, he kept a personal air purifier at his seat at all times.
I’d be wearing a fucking full face respirator complete with two huge filters sticking out if I was immuno-compromised and you asked me to sit in a small metal tube with a couple hundred other people for 13 hours. If people don’t think I’m Bane, I haven’t gone far enough.
And the thing is, even if COVID magically goes away, the guy is still immunocompromised. Illnesses like the flu and common cold can still make him seriously ill. His life has permanently changed.
And then I tell people, with a shit eating grin, that the respirator is more comfortable than N95s because the weight is distributed across your head and the massive filter area and outflow valve don’t trap moisture.
It’s her husband, what the hell happened to “in sickness and in health”, did she forget about that vow? Does marriage even mean anything to people anymore? Her “old life” is not going to come back anytime soon, he husband is immunocompromised. That’s never going to change. Support your life partner, as you promised to do so on the day you got married. Those vows are supposed to mean something, they’re not supposed to be empty words. You’re supposed to stick together and support each other through the good and the bad, in sickness and in health as I already said.
Okay the rest of the article, which is the vast majority of it, is just promotion of this guy’s book and methods, the article is not worth reading, it’s extremely basic relationship advice such as compromising with your partner, and not to gaslight your partner about long COVID. Again, basic empathetic human behaviour.
Stick to those last few sentences and ignore the rest. The guy is doing the best he can to try to make things work. This isn’t some malicious thing. Recognise that and continue to try to make things work together.
All in all, this is a clickbait article to advertise some phycologist’s book and methods, and the wife is not as bad as the introduction makes it seem. Don’t know how such blatant promotion is allowed on NPR though, isn’t that meant to be state funded media?
One of the reasons I never finished my psych degree was the sheer level of con-artistry on display in the profession. It’s fucked up how so many psychologists will just peddle bullshit self-help books that they know are actively going to encourage toxic behaviour in people. Psychology under capitalism is rotted and broken.
It’s awful. There just aren’t any standards. Almost all the modalities are nonsense. I mostly keep going to therapy because it’s a concrete action I can do to prove to myself that I’m still fighting. Most of the time it’s just me talking about my problems to someone who can’t hang up for an hour.
It is awful! Therapists can be very hit or miss. Sometimes they’re little more than a sounding board for you to voice your own concerns and worries towards (Which can help, depending on what you need), sometimes they just have a magical “cure all” solution to problems (I once had a therapist who recommended exercise as a solution to my depression, which shockingly enough, didn’t help me when I didn’t even have the energy to get out of bed.)
Sometimes you can get a good therapist who can offer helpful coping mechanisms for your situation, but a lot of them can sometimes kind of feel like they’re only there for the paycheck. The best therapist I ever had was a volunteer who wasn’t getting paid, because they at least felt genuine (they were a bit “unprofessional” at times, like crying during our sessions sometimes, but that just made it feel like they genuinely were trying to help me).
This sounds like the generic “shop around” advice that you’ve probably already heard a million times before though. Though as you’ve found out, sometimes the act of going to therapy itself is the therapeutic part, proving to yourself that you can push through things.
I’d be wearing a fucking full face respirator complete with two huge filters sticking out if I was immuno-compromised and you asked me to sit in a small metal tube with a couple hundred other people for 13 hours. If people don’t think I’m Bane, I haven’t gone far enough.
And the thing is, even if COVID magically goes away, the guy is still immunocompromised. Illnesses like the flu and common cold can still make him seriously ill. His life has permanently changed.
I literally do.
And then I tell people, with a shit eating grin, that the respirator is more comfortable than N95s because the weight is distributed across your head and the massive filter area and outflow valve don’t trap moisture.
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Yes i put a small camera in it and wear a monitor on my head called grin-o-vision
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Look up the song Utah Phillips wrote about npr