A republican candidate for the house or state senate in one of the Dakotas will literally kill their opponent with a gun during a debate and get elected.

A truck full of uranium waste will disappear. The story will be covered by all news agencies for exactly one week and then never be mentioned again. In 2025, a dirty bomb will be set off by “Hamas” in a major population center.

An article will come out revealing that Biden’s aides have secretly been testing his food because they’re afraid of Kamala Harris poisoning him. This will not affect Kamala’s approval rating in either direction.

Someone will be murdered by a white women for picking up litter in a Walmart parking lot because her wine friends told her that it was a secret way for pedophile crime rings to pass messages to eachother.

In that same town there will be a single article written about an underage prostitution ring being run by a bunch of retired state troopers for superbowl games. No one will read it.

There will be a massive civil war on twitter over whether or not black people need to “take a break so that we can focus on antisemitism right now.”

Someone will leave cum on Rand Paul’s desk in the senate.