“Can i use my health savings account to buy a flak vest?”

“Will the company be doing flak vest matching?”

“What about tourniquettes?”

“Is a flak jacket osha required ppe now?”

“Is it true you can cover a grenade with a trash bin? Should we get steel trash bins for the grenades?”

“How long do we have to shelter in place after the cops decide not to do anything?”

“Can i take the rest of the day off after a mass shooting?”

“What about a flak helmet can i use my hsa on that?”

“Okay but what about some gym memberships so we can get good at running away, the company will cover that, right?”

“How come the executive elevator has to get buzzed in by security but not the normal elevator?”

“What if i fall over while running away from te shooter is that a workplace injury?”

“Who do i report it to if my manager got shot?”

“Who will do scheduling if my manager gets shot i don’t want to get fired for no showing”

“Is it a work place injury of the cops shoot me by accident?”

“What if the cops shoot me on purpose?”

“Hey what are we supposed to do with the office first aid kit it only has bandaids and tylenol and expired in 1978”

“Come to think of it did we get the fire extinguishers checked this year?”

“Okay but if i get shot by the cops, and there’s blood on the ground, but there’s no " caution slippery liquid” sign, and i fall down the stairs, that would be the company’s fault, right?"

“Do we have to pay for our own ride to the hospital?”

“If i’m stuck sheltering in place and my kids have to uber home and order a pizza how do i submit that as a reimbursible expense?”

“What if i get actively shot on a business trip in another state and they take me to an out of network hospital?”