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Yes, it’s an interview with a gusano. Yes, his family were business owners. Here’s the peach:
“One day, my sister came home and exclaimed, ‘Fidel is better than Jesus!’ In school they had asked the kindergartners to close their eyes and pray to Jesus for ice cream. When they opened their eyes – nothing. Then they closed their eyes again and prayed to Fidel for ice cream, and … surprise! Ice cream cups on their desks! I remember my mother’s reaction: ‘Helado! Que rico!’ She totally avoided any other comment for fear of whatever she said making it back to my sister’s teacher.”
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“In Cuba, we were upper-middle-class,” Vivian said. “My grandfather was a bank vice president; my father worked for another bank and also wrote comedy sketches. We lived with extended family in a chic apartment. My sister and I had our own room; my brother had his own; we had a maid who lived in a small room behind the kitchen. She was a Spaniard and blind in one eye. I was a little scared of her.”
They always fucking tell on themselves lmao
“One day, my sister came home and exclaimed, ‘Fidel is better than Jesus!’ In school they had asked the kindergartners to close their eyes and pray to Jesus for ice cream. When they opened their eyes – nothing. Then they closed their eyes again and prayed to Fidel for ice cream, and … surprise! Ice cream cups on their desks! I remember my mother’s reaction: ‘Helado! Que rico!’ She totally avoided any other comment for fear of whatever she said making it back to my sister’s teacher.”
I’m pretty sure this is a fake story that was repeated from defectors from the Soviet Union trying to make money off the anti-communism train.
The good news is that this is Cracked.com and no one reads it anymore so shrug
What actual year was it that cracked turned to shit? I remember it feeling like an almost overnight thing. Years of being prescribed Kermit pills hasn’t made me a chud, but has made it so I can’t remember shit.
Around the end of 2017 was when a huge chunk of the staff had left or were fired. So probably around then.
Yet this article is from 2015
I mean, I guess this is a self dunk, Cracked may not have ever been funny.
As any Cuba related thing comes up, we must remember that in Cuba, a secretive, oppressive government has rounded up countless people, imprisoned them without trial, subjected them to horrific torture for decades at a time and that same govt laughs in the face of the international community’s pleas to stop or even just let impartial inspectors in to ensure even a bare modicom of humanity for those poor souls left to rot.
I’m talking about Guantanimo bay of course.
i dont know why but i clicked on this expecting it to be an article about awesome facts about cuba, but written sarcastically.
Robert Evans is the editor of the personal experience section of Cracked, and he tweets.
Where have I heard of this guy before?
lmfao is it seriously the same guy?
He’s not listed as a contributor to the article, but is referenced at the very bottom
You can learn more about Dr. Garcia’s refugee experience and his first return to Cuba in 30 years in the award-winning documentary Voices From Mariel. Vivian became naturalized on her 18th birthday and considers herself blessed and grateful to be a citizen of the greatest country on Earth. Jason is an editor for Cracked. He has a Facebook page. Robert Evans is the editor of the personal experience section of Cracked, and he tweets.
the “and he tweets” part links to a non-valid twitter account
THIS is the Robert Evans listed on the “Cracked Members” page
and Fedvans has “formerly” editor at Cracked as part of his wiki
:he-admit-it:
He gets called fedvans here a lot
Probably from his hit podcast series “Behind the Bastards” or “It Could happen Here” or writing from Bellingcat or from other users calling him Robert Fedvans here as Blep said.
Surprise! Ice cream cups on my desk! Can confirm that praying to Fidel for ice cream works.
“One day, my sister came home and exclaimed, ‘Fidel is better than Jesus!’ In school they had asked the kindergartners to close their eyes and pray to Jesus for ice cream. When they opened their eyes – nothing. Then they closed their eyes again and prayed to Fidel for ice cream, and … surprise! Ice cream cups on their desks! I remember my mother’s reaction: ‘Helado! Que rico!’ She totally avoided any other comment for fear of whatever she said making it back to my sister’s teacher.”
:dril:
i thought this site was supposed to be funny
Cracked was one of the sites that leaned in hard on video production back when FB was lying to everyone about their metrics. https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2018/10/facebook-driven-video-push-may-have-cost-483-journalists-their-jobs/573403/
It got bought out, and all the good contributors got fired/quit while it rebranded into a generic sucky website
I swear shit like this is custom-made to make me depressed
Exactly. These stories are always written so deliberately, almost like creepypastas.
“Fidel turned my family into hyper-realistic skeletons”
SCP-4000, ‘Havana syndrome’
lol this sounds like one of the many rumors spread in Cuba by the literal CIA about how the commies are gonna end religion and take your kids.
Rumors which they used to actually kidnap Cuban children with the Peter Pan program.
Yeah absolutely monstrous shit.
It’s like if qanon chuds fled the country and 60 years later their children believed every dumb thing they told them and didn’t realize it’s insane.
The only reason Cuba has so many doctors is that Fidel forced dissidents into medical school. A five year old who was crying too loud? Medical School. His neighbor who never shuts up about his lawn? Medical School. A raccoon he found on the side of the road? Medical School
:comrade-raccoon: <(I got into medical school!)
all cuban doctors are political prisoners
:maybe-later-honey: :speech-l:
Fidel is better than Jesus
:yes-comm:
“Let the one whom has no sword sell his cloak and buy one,” I love Fidel as much as the next person, but Jesus was kind of based as well
Jesus’ message is filtered to us through 2,000 years of being coopted by the Romans, British, Americans and others, but he was based in his day.
I feel that this is a misinterpretation.
The gospels, even more so the Gospel of Luke, where (I think?) that’s from very much portray Jesus as a pacifist, even within the the context of that passage.
The very next line from the Gospel of Luke Chapter 22 verse 36 is
For I say to you that this which is written must still be accomplished in Me: ‘And He was numbered with the transgressors.’ For the things concerning Me have an end.” So they said, “Lord, look, here are two swords.” And He said to them, “It is enough.”
The usual interpretation of that passage, is that Jesus had His followers buy swords so that surrender would have meaning, and not simply be because they were incapable of fighting, or to fulfill the prophecy of Isaiah that he would be treated as the head of a band of brigands.
It was in no way a general call for Christians to arm themselves.
When, in the same chapter of the Gospel of Luke one of his followers did draw his sword at the arrest, and cut the ear of one of the pharisees, Jesus rebuked His follower and healed the man he’d attacked.
When Jesus’ followers saw what was going to happen, they said, “Lord, should we strike with our swords?” And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear. But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him
–Gospel of Luke Chapter 22 Verse 49.
You should change your sn to context :hasan-smash: ha ha, jk. I don’t really know much about the gospels, I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass.
we even have audio-visual recordings of the guy and stuff he wrote.
