I’m asking from a place of genuine curiousity, as a bi trans woman I ask myself this question regularly and never quite settle on an answer. I suppose the key question I ask myself is was I born trans and spent 25 years figuring it out, or was it something that developed and grew as I matured?
My inspiration for this question is this video: https://www.ted.com/talks/dr_lisa_diamond_why_the_born_this_way_argument_does_not_advance_lgbt_equality
Obviously I don’t think it matters, lgbtq rights and legitmacy shouldn’t be tied to the idea that “they can’t help it, they were born that way”, it’s just the right thing to support. And even if it isn’t something you are born with that doesn’t automatically make it a “choice” that one could consciously change (or be tortured, a la conversion therapy, out of), there are many parts of my identity that I wasn’t born with but are now core parts of me.
Idk, I’m interested to hear others’ thoughts. I feel as if my self-discovery was somewhat delayed because I had the idea that if I were trans, I would absolutely know because it’d be some core part of me that I was born with, and how could you be ignorant of that? I feel like, if someone told me at 18 “You know you can choose to be a girl if you want” and showed me a picture of post-transition me, I’d probably would’ve started questioning then instead of years later. In some ways I feel as if I chose to be trans, but is it really a choice if I would pick the same answer every time? Was I predetermined to choose to transition? Could there be a person born gay/trans, but never realize it? Would they still be gay/trans if neither they nor anyone else knew it?
And what about the future? Lately I’ve been thinking that an identity like non-binary or agender might fit me better. Does that mean I’ve been wrongly interpreting my true self? Ultimately whether there’s some true, fixed identity buried deep in my psyche and I’m just trying to interpret it, or if that doesn’t exist and my identity is just this fluid thing I consciously construct and am constantly revisiting, I think the outcome is the same. Personally, I prefer the idea that my gender identity and sexuality are fluid, ever-changing things that evolve as I grow and experience the world. I’d like to have it where I didn’t feel shame or guilt when I continue to question my gender or sexuality after already coming out. I’d like to be able to enjoy my pre-transition memories as a legitimate part of me and my journey, rather than a false me that should be buried away and seldom talked about.
I realize this is a very subjective experience, and other people will relate differently to the things I wrote about. I’m not trying to prescribe a certain way to approach this topic, I’m just interested to hear other people’s thoughts on the matter. Solidarity forever comrades.
:hexbear-pride: :flag-bi-pride: :flag-gay-pride: :flag-gay-pride-mlm: :flag-pan-pride: :flag-demi-pride: :flag-trans-pride: :hexbear-gay-pride: :flag-agender-pride: :flag-asexual-pride: :flag-lesbian-pride: :flag-aromantic-pride: :flag-non-binary-pride: :flag-genderfluid-pride: :flag-intersex-pride: :flag-genderfluid-pride: :flag-genderqueer-pride:
Not really, I definitely had a period of my life were I didn’t experience anything that I would consider romantic or sexual attraction towards women, and now I do. I don’t think there’s a second me in the back of my subconscious that secretly liked girls the whole time, I think “me” is a constantly changing thing, and the “real me” is whatever version of myself exists now.
Idk tho, I don’t read philosophy 😎
Fixed identity is a spook. Allowing one’s self-concept to become fixed is the sort of stagnation that ends revolutions. Queerness is a rejection of the normative conception of human experience, a revolt against the comfortable hegemony of “the straights”. The “born this way” argument is an attempt to quantize, medicalize, sterilize the chaotic truth of humanity. Be gay, do crime. No one else will ever understand the way your body and mind shift and grind against the shackles put on you by a society that wants to reduce you to a featureless cog in their machine.
You have some interesting ideas concerning gender. Seems to me you’re rejecting the very idea of a static identity, along with a rejection of gender and sexual orientation as concepts. Quite an individualistic world-view. Do tell if I’ve made any mistakes in my interpretation.
As fixed, immutable concepts, sure, I reject them. As temporary labels for a set of behaviors and preferences, I think people can use whatever they like. But it’s important to recognize that those labels are invented to describe an incomplete picture, and the interpretation of those symbols is not universal. “Man” and “woman” (and indeed every other label one uses to identify oneself) are symbols that in a particular time and particular social and political context have a particular set of interpretations among a particular set of people. They are not laws of the universe. Personal truth is necessarily individualized. I can recognize when someone expresses, say, sadness or pain, but I cannot know what the experience of that is for them. I can only truthfully know my own experience. I can recognize when someone expresses their identity (and respect and cherish and defend that identity), but I can only know who I am. Even then, who truly knows themselves? Does universalizing labels, making their interpretation perfectly precise and shared among all make the experience better? If it meant only one thing to be queer, trans, man, woman, would that reduce harm? Or would it necessarily stifle the unique expression of one’s presence in and of the world?