Not /j, /srs.
I was looking back over my posts, and that was my honest reaction. It’s not very nice to keep autistic children around as your goofy lolcow, you know. Friends don’t let friends post cringe. In your own words, I want to know why you thought it was fine to act like the kind of fuckin internet posting I do was fine, and that I should continue to do so, more, worse. Does that really seem like a good idea to you? Go look at those comments and say it to my face, fucker.
If you didn’t, you are obligated to share with the class why you didn’t offer even an ounce of dissent about it. There’s a point past which politeness becomes condescending, and many months ago you could have saved everyone a ton of trouble, if you’d just said “this is terrible” or maybe even “lol cringe” at some point. It would have been mean, but it would have been less mean than sitting back and alllowing the high volumes of horror and embarrassment that ensued to happen. I mean, really.
If you disagree, I’d like to invite you to consider that you’re wrong, and whoever gave me the ability to think and transcribe those thoughts with a keyboard has a lot to answer for. I looked at the megathreads today, and seeing people even partially attribute the 2500+ comment threads to my repulsive disaster posting is awful. There are people who actually post things of value in those threads.
come on ash, your posts were always good and had value, fight me about it. sry but not gonna affirm you putting yourself down like this. “lolcow” “cringe” “repulsive” nobody sees it that way but you. you wouldn’t talk about someone else in the community that way, you don’t get to do it to yourself. this is just bullying. glad you’re back but sorry you’re feeling this way, seems like a really negative and frankly hateful perspective on yourself which isn’t reflective of how anyone here views you really. this kind of self flagellation is completely unnecessary. I’m sorry if this is harsh but “condescending politeness” seems like a really disordered view of the reception to your posts, I and many others sincerely appreciated them, looked forward to them even and missed them while you were away. the idea that traa users were just tolerating your presence is simply not the case. we weren’t all playing a big joke on you. you’re actually a highly valued member of the community and you posting a lot was very much welcome. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, i totally know how that goes. but if you’re able, you have to try to to look on yourself with the same kindness and grace you always extended to people on here. I know it’s really fuckin hard sometimes. really am glad you’re back.
I am still mildly proud of bullying Whipping Girl, it’s not exactly the 5D chess of theory but given the lack of spoons I managed to put words in the computer. Sometimes my posting is pretty sick.
However I’m utterly unconvinced that nobody else in the community holds this negative and hateful perspective on me. Hexbear is too polite a place for it, but it’s out there, I am certain. I do know people have liked my postings (thank you) because every now and then I go over my comment sections and whatever, but being embarrassingly bad to the point of offense at talking to people wears on a person. What actually happened is that I realised I have this little brain-voice that tells me I am dogshit, and I was posting loudly and constantly. Mostly this was born from a genuine commitment to unmasking and posting honestly, but secretly also the positive replies and stuff were staving off the brain-voice. I didn’t feel like this was a healthy relationship to socialising, even online, so I just stopped, and that basically crushed out the “fuck it we ball” energy I’d built up. That’s how I got here.
I know that there is no coordinated “big joke” because that would be goofy, but it only takes someone thinking shitty things about me and not outwardly saying for it to become at least a little joke. And since the space is too nice to tolerate outwardly saying shitty things to people…
Thank you for saying though, I have been cooking up posts to make everyone regret ever saying anything nice in this thread !