Not /j, /srs.
I was looking back over my posts, and that was my honest reaction. It’s not very nice to keep autistic children around as your goofy lolcow, you know. Friends don’t let friends post cringe. In your own words, I want to know why you thought it was fine to act like the kind of fuckin internet posting I do was fine, and that I should continue to do so, more, worse. Does that really seem like a good idea to you? Go look at those comments and say it to my face, fucker.
If you didn’t, you are obligated to share with the class why you didn’t offer even an ounce of dissent about it. There’s a point past which politeness becomes condescending, and many months ago you could have saved everyone a ton of trouble, if you’d just said “this is terrible” or maybe even “lol cringe” at some point. It would have been mean, but it would have been less mean than sitting back and alllowing the high volumes of horror and embarrassment that ensued to happen. I mean, really.
If you disagree, I’d like to invite you to consider that you’re wrong, and whoever gave me the ability to think and transcribe those thoughts with a keyboard has a lot to answer for. I looked at the megathreads today, and seeing people even partially attribute the 2500+ comment threads to my repulsive disaster posting is awful. There are people who actually post things of value in those threads.
I know others have said it, but i really appreciated getting to talk to you about everything from the gender accelerationist manifesto to wayhaven to bitching about family. You also sat with me in the thread after i posted genuine psychotic shit and broke down about it, that was really nice.
Even if you dont stick around, i hope you pop in and say hi every now and again
Oh yeah, kinda ruled actually ngl. Some of the better bearsite chats honestly, thank you.
Oh hey! I’ve been wondering how you’ve been doing. I’ve enjoyed talking with you about music and fallow, which I still have yet to play but am still very much looking forward to. I’m glad you’re back :)
Ah, Fallow my beloved
uh thanks, Idk if I’ll post though.That’s okay too, either way I’m glad you’re around :)
No but ty
Your self perception and how other people perceive you have like no correlation whatsoever lol. The people have spoken and the people think you’re cool
They are always saying this, which seems unlikely. How can this level of obnoxious not be insufferable to at least somebody?
come on ash, your posts were always good and had value, fight me about it. sry but not gonna affirm you putting yourself down like this. “lolcow” “cringe” “repulsive” nobody sees it that way but you. you wouldn’t talk about someone else in the community that way, you don’t get to do it to yourself. this is just bullying. glad you’re back but sorry you’re feeling this way, seems like a really negative and frankly hateful perspective on yourself which isn’t reflective of how anyone here views you really. this kind of self flagellation is completely unnecessary. I’m sorry if this is harsh but “condescending politeness” seems like a really disordered view of the reception to your posts, I and many others sincerely appreciated them, looked forward to them even and missed them while you were away. the idea that traa users were just tolerating your presence is simply not the case. we weren’t all playing a big joke on you. you’re actually a highly valued member of the community and you posting a lot was very much welcome. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, i totally know how that goes. but if you’re able, you have to try to to look on yourself with the same kindness and grace you always extended to people on here. I know it’s really fuckin hard sometimes. really am glad you’re back.
I am still mildly proud of bullying Whipping Girl, it’s not exactly the 5D chess of theory but given the lack of spoons I managed to put words in the computer. Sometimes my posting is pretty sick.
However I’m utterly unconvinced that nobody else in the community holds this negative and hateful perspective on me. Hexbear is too polite a place for it, but it’s out there, I am certain. I do know people have liked my postings (thank you) because every now and then I go over my comment sections and whatever, but being embarrassingly bad to the point of offense at talking to people wears on a person. What actually happened is that I realised I have this little brain-voice that tells me I am dogshit, and I was posting loudly and constantly. Mostly this was born from a genuine commitment to unmasking and posting honestly, but secretly also the positive replies and stuff were staving off the brain-voice. I didn’t feel like this was a healthy relationship to socialising, even online, so I just stopped, and that basically crushed out the “fuck it we ball” energy I’d built up. That’s how I got here.
I know that there is no coordinated “big joke” because that would be goofy, but it only takes someone thinking shitty things about me and not outwardly saying for it to become at least a little joke. And since the space is too nice to tolerate outwardly saying shitty things to people…
Thank you for saying though, I have been cooking up posts to make everyone regret ever saying anything nice in this thread !
wb, you’re cool and your absence was noticed /gen
No but also thanks for saying.
I believe in cringe accelerationism.
That’s the cool and based kind of cringe, though.
there’s only two kinds of people: people who admit to cringing at their younger self, and damned liars
It would be easier if I just hated my younger self, I mean she was a terrible 4ch brainwormed gender essentialist liberal, but that was kind of a given with the circumstances. I’m talkin bout posts less than six months old.
OMG SHE’S BACK
Also, embrace cringe. Cringe is just a negative word for sincerity.
It pretty much is, and I hate cringe culture as it exists as well, here I’m trying to weaponise it primarily for indicating who is really annoying and pissing people off all the time.
I tried “embracing cringe”, which you can tell based on how often I spilt my guts on here. It kind of hurts though, because it turns out you can’t really just raw-dog anxiety forever.
hello again! missed your posts and posting styleSeems unlikely, is that like a so-bad-it’s-good kind of thing?
ooooh she’s back!
There are people who actually post things of value in those threads.
lmao
yesI even wrote a huge thing about Wayhaven, which was pretty exciting. I caught up to end of book three, I love Wayhaven. “Back” might be a bit much though…
I like your posting nerd
Why, but thanks…
I want to know why you thought it was fine to act like the kind of fuckin internet posting I do was fine
I don’t remember your exact posts, but I am always going to remember how you made me feel when I was first figuring out gender. I remember you being compassionate, and kind, and explaining things to me. I remember feeling hopelessly alone, lost, and dysphoric. And you’d almost always have something to say to me or offer. I distinctly remember posting and hoping you were still awake so we could talk a little bit. I remember talking long into the night with you. I remember how comfy you made me feel. That was extremely valuable to me and I miss you a lot.
I’ve posted a lot of horrifically cringe things in the mega over the last year. Things I hope no one remembers, even if I think about them all the time.
Threadwinner thus far
I like that I had a positive impact on someone, and my borderline insomnia did too, lol lmao.I don’t always catch your posts before they get
'd but they have never made me cringe, honestly. Too earnest and decent, y’know?Aw, thank you
well its all true, and its good to see you back here.Well the purged ones are the worst of it
but ty <3
Deleted comments get me kinda sad. Deleted accounts sadder. Everyone (other than me) should say stuff online at all times…
sorry nerd, i love your posting and presence and i’m glad to see you back. pistols at dawn if you want to fight about it
Why, but also a duel I will surely lose
lots of reasons, but if i had to be brief…
i really enjoy your passionposting! it gives me an immense amount of joy to see other people enthusing about the things they love. i like how engaged and active you are in the community, i like your dedication to deworming people’s brains, and i really appreciate how in-depth your knowledge of your chosen topics is. on a more personal note one of your posts about asexuality expressed something my partner couldn’t for the life of her put into words, so even without all the rest of it i’d always be positively inclined towards you for that reason.
i think you are an overall boon to this community, and i’m very clearly not alone. every time you leave there are plenty of comments wishing you well and hoping for your eventual return.
basically i like you and there’s nothing you can do about it. now draw!
really enjoy your passionposting!
Another connoisseur of the infodump
love to see it. I am not that knowledgeable about all of my SIs because at least one of them I invented as a bit, but y’know. Thanks…i like your dedication to deworming people’s brains
Okay no absolutely fucking not
one of the easiest “cringe” things to point out is how badly I have failed at conveying any of the bootleg gender enlightenment I’ve obtained to most people. Plus, I really don’t want to be romping around lecturing people about the bugs in their grey matter, it must be pretty galling to post a sad vent in the mega, and have some fucking total dipshit slide into replies like " 
uhm did you know that gender is made up by a guy" or whatever. There have been fights over this subject, and I truly do not want to be annoying people over it. I lack the people-skills to try to convey it in a way that’s useful, so it is better not to try to engage people deemed “brainwormed” on the topic usually, I think. I would want to be a lot more empathetic and understanding, because I’ve been there too, but I am really bad at it and make enemies that way. Ugly…one of your posts about asexuality expressed something my partner couldn’t for the life of her put into words,
OKAY this is based, probably a top 5 of my time on bearsite. Since I am too useless to go outside, I pretty much only hope that I can help people at all in any way with my idiot blabbering. This pleases me greatly
It is actually fucked up that people speak of me so often when I leave, I put my username into the search bar once and horror burst forth. My honest reaction is: me? Why not Cromalin or Yor or literally anyody else? No, the yapper?
Also oof ouch I lost, too slow
at least one of them I invented as a bit
the beauty of being
is that it could be all of them and i wouldn’t know!Okay no absolutely fucking not
strong words for someone who is losing this duel. but seriously i think you’re very hard on yourself; from my perspective i’d say you have good people skills and a terrible self-image. but i’ve seen enough of your interactions with people of brainworms to know that you have useful insights and convey them well. you can’t always judge the success of interactions like that based on the immediate outcome. you wouldn’t sow a seed and then call it a failure when it didn’t immediately turn into a tree.
probably a top 5 of my time on bearsite
you’ll honestly never know how much i appreciate you just for that one post alone. it was like a cipher key for understanding my partner’s feelings. genuinely cannot overstate how big of a deal it was!
Why not Cromalin
funny you should bring her up, i was going to make the explicit comparison earlier actually. i think about her fairly often. she’s another one whose obvious love for something was infectious and a joy to see. i hope she’s well. and i hope you are too, silly.
it could be all of them and i wouldn’t know!
My entire being was made up
from my perspective i’d say you have good people skills and a terrible self-image.
This is true, it’s hard to reliably perceive anything so who fuckin knows, right?
I cannot judge the success of any interaction ever! Maybe thinking about it in terms of how it went is too goal-oriented again, talking to people is not slot machines after all. But any amount of ambiguity is the mind killer due to anxiety(and also autism), and will result in me awake at 4am turning conversations over in my head wondering how badly it went. Many rooms in my mindpalace are taken up by screaming about old exchanges. My nightmares, haunted by rejection sensitivity!Even if I could keep going like that forever, (rawdogging that shit is soooo much fun) it would bite me in the ass eventually when someone I’ve upset without realising finally loses their shit at me.
you’ll honestly never know how much i appreciate you just for that one post alone.
i think about her fairly often. she’s another one whose obvious love for something was infectious and a joy to see. i hope she’s well. and i hope you are too, silly.
Never have I respected a weeb as much as cromalin… I hope she is well too. I’m not, but that’s just how it happens Idk.
Because your posting is valuable, unique, and entertaining. Entertaining in a genuine “this is written in such a fun way” and distinctly not a lolcow way.
if you’d just said “this is terrible” or maybe even “lol cringe” at some point.
You would have beaten us into submission
I probably would have, but maybe the psychic damage would have been enough to make me stop right after? Get it over with?
- missed ya
Shouldn’t
