I wouldn’t talk about this so freely if this was true. Do you think you were just generally very apathetic? What moved you out of apathy? Something I struggle with when trying to agitate people who think that way (lots of people I know who fully understand that Defense contractors are profiting off the genocide of Palestinians yet would take a job there anyway) is that apathy is a hole that’s impossible to dig someone out of via external stimulus. If nothing matters, nothing can convince you that, actually, some things do matter (from which point other things can start mattering too, and it becomes an ideology). But that kind of all-consuming nihilism is a current that I see way too often and I think it’s a major force behind fascism. But fascism succeeds at mobilizing nihilists and turning them into misanthropes, doesn’t it? What’s the secret to doing the opposite?