WASHINGTON—Citing a series of fatal malfunctions dating back to 1777, flag manufacturer Annin & Company announced Monday that it would be recalling all makes and models of its popular American flag from both foreign and domestic markets.

Gonna print out a bunch of copies of this and get hit with 20 years of charges for flyering mailboxes of houses in my area flying these things

“At first, we wanted one of our flags in every home in America,” Burman said. “Unfortunately, the practical applications of this product are far outnumbered by the risks it presents. Millions have died needlessly, and when you ask people why, they point to the flag.”

Added Burman, “Frankly, we should have pulled it off the market decades ago.”