This person has not responded yet and I do not know the situation locally, but they might mean a counselor or someone like that. Usually colleges have therapists available for students. It might not be the case that they have the right expertise for this, but they can help you find someone that is right for this situation as well. So that might be a good starting point. If that does not work, you can just search a therapist online and contact them.

In case of sexual abuse, you could also go to hospital or a doctor there and they should be able to help you as well and treat any physical wounds also. However, I am not sure how that works where you live.

So, I think the first best step is to see whether there is a therapist at your college and contact them. If that does not work, just search online for other therapists. If there is physical harm, go to a doctor or hospital. Does that help?

No problem. I hope it will work out for you and your friend. It might be difficult, but it is possible to heal from almost anything with the right help and a space to feel safe.

I have never been to the US, so I have no idea whether it is good to contact authorities. I hope someone else will answer that question.

I am happy for your friend that they have you to support them. I think the fact that you are there for them and that you listen to them is very important and helpful, especially the listening part. You need to focus on making your friend feel save.

In addition, I think this situation requires also some professional help. It sounds very serious and complex and not something the both of you can just solve by yourselves. I think an important thing you can do for your friend is to get them to a therapist or other professional who can treat them and find a way out of this situation. It is the same as when you break a leg or something like that. In a situation with physical trauma, you need a friend to support you and help you deal with it. But you also need a doctor to fix it. It is the same with psychological trauma. So, please get your friend professional help.

I am sorry you feel like this. I have been through a lot, so I know the feeling of wanting to give up very well. All I can say is that I am really glad I never actually completely gave up. Giving up will not make you feel better.

I am not sure whether you are angry, you sound angry. So, do what you have to do to deal with this feeling. Screaming in my car and punching a pillow works for me. And then think about why things are not working the way you want it and try something new.

Yes, definitely. I think a lot of the effort to develop technologies that are used for things such as more effective advertisements etc. should be redirected towards developing technologies that help humanity. However, it ys difficult to get there.

I myself spend a lot of effort and time on getting grants to research this kind of technology and it is almost impossible to do so. I am now looking for ways to make enough money so I can take time off and do it in my own time. Each time we get the reply that the ideas are great, but we get rejected for political reasons (e.g., we did not obtain enough money from business, our partners are too much from the same region). It is really frustrating.

Maybe the not knowing what will happen exactly is the most scary part. It also seems to be more and more inevitable. I feel like curling up into a ball and crying too. And that is fine sometimes I think. Sometimes you need to do that for a while.

But after that, we should get up. We should not lose our will to fight and deal with this. Whatever happens, everyone, ordinary people, can still fight to keep their compassion and humanity. I think that is how we can survive the most difficult circumstances.

I think as a species, that is why we were initially so successful, because we were able to cooperate, share and take care of each other. I think things are going wrong now because we, and especially the people in power, have lost that. It is not part of the capitalistic model. People treated with compassion will usually be more compassionate. Radical compassion, even when it is difficult, will lead to the collapse of this model and our survival.

I have a mother who used to act like she hated me a significant amount of time until a few years ago. I have a father who does not think I am that important. I used to think both of my parents hate me, or did not love me at least. I now have a more nuanced view of that. They are just people who are very damaged and almost handicapped in certain aspects. In any case, I think I might be able to understand your situation at least a little bit.

For me the most difficult part was not deciding whether to keep in touch with them or not. I mean, that is a very difficult decision and if your father is still hurting you, you should protect yourself. However, for me the most difficult thing is dealing with the damage.

I am not sure if this damaged you in the same way it damaged me. But if it did, I want to tell you that it is not your fault. Your father acting like he hates you is not because of anything you did and certainly not because of who you are. It is because of who he is.

A lot of children who are not loved or who are even hated by their parents think it is their fault. They think something is wrong with them and they deserve it. I mean, that makes sense, right? If it is your fault, then at least the world still is a fair place. And if something happens to a bad person you do not need to be compassionate, so you do not have to deal with any pain you are too little to be able to deal with. Also, you depend on your parents, so you cannot get too mad at them or leave. From the logic of a child, this makes sense.

And it works, it helps you survive. But once you get older, you keep thinking in the same way. You have a very low opinion of yourself and feel like there is something wrong with you or as if you are worthless. And to keep living in this way is familiar, you know you can survive that. You do not know whether you can survive the pain you suppressed all those years. Or it might still be so suppressed that you cannot even feel it. Until one day, it becomes too much and you start thinking that you might want a different life. You might not just want to survive, but actually live.

You do not discuss your mother. If you have a mother that was able to show you love, that might have had a protective effect. I hope so. But if you recognise this story in any way at all. I think it is import for you to know that it is not about accepting that your father hates you. It is about accepting that you are someone that did not deserve this. And that is very painful, but going through the pain of it, is the only way not to feel that anymore. It will free you from it and enable you to live more than survive.

It is a very difficult thing to do. I myself have not yet been able to go through the pain fully. It often feels too overwhelming, too much. However, after each small step I make, I already feel a little bit more free. I really think this is the way to cope with it. At least for me. It might help you as well maybe if you have similar feelings.

Edit to say that therapy can help a lot with this process. Others have said this as well, but I agree with them.

I have this and I have CPTSD. However, I am sure that there can be other causes as well.

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I can understand that it feels that this is the maximum you can cope with. But as long as you keep breathing, you still exist and you can cope. I can promise you that if you go through it instead of around it, it will get better. I cannot promise you exactly when or how high the peaks will be, but I can promise you that as long as you keep breathing you can cope.

My little sister died from anorexia, I had a miscarriage, my parents emotionally neglected and emotionally abused me as a child and several other traumatising stuff happened. I know pain. I do not underestimate yours. But this is how I dealt with it and I think it will help you too.

I sincerely feel for you. But the pain has a function. You need it to process and you need to feel it to eventually be able to make a new and happy life for yourself. Just keep breathing and go through the waves. I know you can do it.

Don’t drink. Cry. It sounds stupid, bit crying out all the pain might help. Do not run from it. Go through it and cry again if you need to. If you can do so safely, drive and scream in the car. Or break some stuff that you do not need anymore (like plates or something).

I have been through some traumatising stuff and the only thing that helps is not to run, but to go through it. I promise you, there will be a peak in pain and then it will reduce and the next peak will be less severe. This will go on and the pain will become less and less. As long as you keep breathing, you can handle it.

Me too.

Maybe you are distracting yourself from something?

You actually found it. I was too lazy, bit I still wanted to know. Thanks!

Here it does a great job of reducing a text of 174 words to 172 words. 👍

(I do not want to complain too much. Usually it works and it is short enough for me to quickly read it.)

I can understand what you mean to say, I think. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy aims to change the way in which people suffering from depression think in order to cure them. It can be quite effective. However, in many cases with major depression different therapies, trauma treatment or medication is also required. In the worst cases, someone might need electroshocks.

I think the issue is that people with depression and people with eating disorders often get blamed for it and they often blame themselves. They are legitimately ill and it is not their fault, just like having any other condition is not your fault. However, due to society’s message of ‘just say no’ to depressive thoughts or food, they might keep on blaming themselves and feel like they are a failure and should just try harder. This can make them just fall deeper in the pit they are in, instead of getting the treatment they need.

I think the last part is not what you meant, but it sounded a bit that way.

I guess OP has never heard of eating disorders.

I do not want my data to be monetised at all and I try to limit my use of services that do monetise my data as much as possible. This means that I try to not use Google products, for example.

In some cases, I feel forced to use it because the consequences of doing so are too high. For example, almost all my friends and family use WhatsApp. If I do not use it, I will be harder for hem to communicate with and I would miss out on a lot of stuff which happens in groups. I am not sure to what extent WhatsApp uses my data, but it is part of Meta and I do not trust Meta at all. However, in this case, access to my friends and family is more important to me. Although I am quite angry about it and I will get out immediately once there is a law that obligates messaging apps to be able to communicate with each other.

I would share my data for other uses, if it is in the interest of society. For example, I would share it for some scientific research.

That is okay, I can be quite long-winded as well! Thank you also for saying that I was helpful to talk to. I like talking to you too.

Understanding each others trauma is not enough for a friendship, I agree with that. You need more than that. Personalities that fit well together, same level of intelligence, same sense of humour.

I am not that sarcastic myself, but my sense of humour can be a little bit dark sometimes. Especially me and my sister could make some dark jokes together. I miss that. Some people might be offended a little bit by some jokes, but if they are not really hurt by it, just slightly offended, that is even funnier sometimes to be honest. I think humour is a very healthy way to cope, including sarcasm. It can be a way to still find joy or to reduce tension or put things in perspective. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe you need to have experienced dark stuff to get the sarcasm and dark humour?

I think accusing people of trauma dumping is a very unempathic way for people to create a distance between them and the things you are telling them. They are scared by it and this is their way to cope. My boyfriend had a fairly normal childhood and life. I used to be quite open with him about what happened to me and he would just almost shut down and not respond (some of the time, other times he was supportive). We had some issues with that, because I was really hurt by that. He used to say that it was just too much for him to deal with. And I actually would get a little bit angry about that. I had to deal with these things that happened to me. I had to and and I could, while at the same time even only hearing about it was too much for him. I just could not understand. However, after a lot of discussion, I now think that what you can cope with depends very much on what you have had to cope with. I can deal with the things that happened to me, because not dealing with them was not an option. They were happening and I had no control. My boyfriend, however, does not strictly need to hear about my trauma, so he has the room to be unable to deal with it. He also had not something worse than that happening to him, teaching him how to deal with this stuff. So, he just did not respond and tries to ignore it.

In short, your seamstress probably cannot or does not want to deal with it probably for similar reasons and is mean to create a distance. It could also be that it is a trigger for her and that is why she creates a distance. Traumatised people can also just be assholes.

I addition, I told you you were strong as well. It is very obvious from your story. However, I am not a therapist and a therapist should dig deeper than that. Things are not magically solved because you tell people something positive. You actually really need to get to know them and know what they need and try to provide that. These therapists seem to lack that basic skill. I am sorry to hear that the therapists are so bad where you live. A good one can really help a lot, but bad once only cost money or even do damage.

If your ex still could be a threat to you, then it is quite functional to be scared. It might help with protecting yourself. A restraining order might help with being and feeling more safe again.

I have not heard about thought tracking (but maybe that is because English is not my native language). What do you do exactly?

I also like to talk to you! Definitely let me know when you want to talk. :-)

I believe you. And that you have been able to process this already, shows again that you are strong.

I am familiar with the feeling of being disconnected. My trauma is different from yours, but also difficult to understand or imagine for a lot of people. However, I found that other traumatised people are sometimes at least a lot easier to talk to, even if they do not understand completely. They are just not that scared by it, without minimizing what happened. I do have a couple of good friends now, who are very kind and very willing to talk with me about these things. Even if they might not completely understand, they do accept me. That helps a lot. I hope you will find people in your life like that as well.

I agree that it is very alarming that the therapist was uncomfy with what you were telling them. That should not happen. They should have been trained to be able to deal with difficult stuff. That is very unprofessional of them. The same is the case of the therapist that told you to just be more assertive and even more so for the scam artist. It is incredibly mean to try and scam people who are traumatized. You need to be a deeply pathetic person to do that.

I am in the very fortunate situation that I live in a country that pays for the costs of any EMDR and therapy that I need and we have well educated therapists here. So, fortunately, for me it is very easy to get that treatment. I can understand that for you it might be much more difficult to arrange this. However, if you ever get the chance to do real EMDR, it might be good to try. I am not sure whether you have these intrusive images, or sounds or feelings etc from your trauma, but for me it worked especially well for that. Of course it does not work for everyone, but it might be worth the try.

I am no therapist, but if you need a listening ear sometimes, just send me a message. I have had different life from you, so I might not immediately understand or I might not always say the right thing. However, I am not easily shocked or uncomfortable.