[CW: Internalized Hate]
Something I’m being told even though I literally receive hate on a daily basis for said “weirdness.”
Just when I thought I was learning to accept myself for all the things I have a long past of hating myself over (gender, sexuality, race, and neurodivergence), it just really hasn’t gotten to that point where I can truly embrace this. I’m afraid that the one life I was given was as an autistic, black, pansexual enby, and there’s nothing I can do about that.
I will never be normal, and no, that’s not okay. I don’t believe I will truly ever be able to be content like this. I’m far too different from the norm for life to be compatible for someone like me. I feel like I’m not actually meant to exist. I feel like I’m an experiment where I’m intended to be everything that a human being is not supposed to be.
As long as I will continue being this way (and, unfortunately, I will), there’s gonna be a reason to question how much comfort I can find in life, and when it hits me that the world will never be for people like me, I question how I can make my life work.
I’m forever to be disgusting, filthy, broken, freakish, incompetent, abnormal, inferior, and a detriment to society’s own comfort, and that’s just in my nature, so no, I don’t think I can make my life work.
Even if that were true, which is a super massive if: you’re a good poster and a comrade so that would AT LEAST balance it out. If you call it a wash you’re still braver than every troop. You’re not a cop or a landlord. Your takes aren’t cringe (except the one about being disgusting, etc). So you got something special going on there.
It most certainly is more special than the approval of bigots. If there’s anything good being this way offered me, it’s the ability to have a based outlook of opposing oppression, since I experienced so much of it firsthand.