Hi! I am making that post to ask for help and your opinions. I am prety much fully transitioned socially, as I use my chosen name, pronouns, dress femme and stuff like that. But I still get taken as a man most of the time due to my voice and facial hair, and there comes my question. I am not sure what bathrooms I should be using? Coz on the one hand I try to look as passing as I can, but on the other I clearly dont yet, so I am worried about geting is some unpleasent situation. Especialy that I can tell by the way people treat me that they are more willing to accept just a dude dressed in womans clothing, rather than trans girl. What should I do? :c
Update: I have gathered courage and have dacided to use them, coz well I am a girl and I gotta start geting used to it
I don’t know if I’m really qualified to talk on the topic being a cis male but personally I’d have no problem with you being in a male toilet if that’s where you felt comfortable for now.
Honestly, unless you live in a shithole like Texas, you should be fine in a women’s restroom
Well, I live in Poland
Where do you live? From a practical perspective, the local laws and how likely you are to get hate crimed really matter here.
there are stickers in a bunch of the bathrooms around town that say “a trans person peed here” and it’s one of the most delightful things i see when i’m peeing. so yeah, pee where you want (assuming it’s a toilet of some kind). stalls are nice because we rarely see each other in the “common area” of the bathroom anyway.
Personally, this is a big reason why I still wear a mask on public. It completely covers any facial hair and I can usually get by using the bathroom without saying much. Other than that, I would just go for using the women’s room. The vast majority of people just want to go in, do their business, and get out, and don’t pay much attention to anyone else. Unfortunately, there is always the possibility that you’ll run into some nut job who’ll freak out, and sadly that’s just the world we love in right now.
Depends on where you live and how hostile people are. I’m in a very similar position as you (although my facial hair is barely visible) and get misgendered frequently. But I’ve never been looked at weird in any women’s bathroom in Germany, Spain, the UK or any airport. Women/other people there were always either ignorant or friendly to me.
It took me a lot of time to even dare to go to women’s bathrooms because I felt like an intruder. But it gets easier the more you are used to it. And remember, you are not an intruder and this space is yours as well! Cis people don’t have the right to police you. The only issue is that they may be hostile depending where you live, so that should be the only issue where I would consider not going to the women’s bathroom.
You got this! :)
This is unfortunately a really complicated question. I’d answer it by saying, listen to your intuition and do what feels best for you. You have a right to use any bathroom you please, at any time. At the same time, you might live in a place where choosing that could be dangerous. I’d first say listen to your heart but then listen to your gut.
