I am currently on vacation and going to the beach sucks because I see these girls my age and think “Holy shit, I want to look like that.” But then I get heavy impostor syndrome. Maybe this is just me being attracted and wanting to be trans, so my brain makes it think it’s envious when it’s just attracted? So, how do you tell envy from attraction?
Something that helped me was stop trying to fit into definitions. A word for an identity is very useful to communicate who you are, but starting by figuring out the small parts might be better in the beginning.
How would you like to express yourself to the world? What would make you happy? What do you reppress? What do you find attractive? How many forms of attraction do you perceive?
Question yourself, even when you think you have already found the answer. We change over time, in the sense we understand ourselves better over time, which means our truth is limited by what we know in the various different periods of our life.
You can try journaling. Write about your doubts and the thoughts that go through your head and you might find some patterns along the way.