Boyfriend of 2 years (best friend of 6) just told me he’s started seeing someone else. No discussion. Just ghosted me for a week and hit me with this news. Thought he was my soulmate, lmao. I feel like someone just ripped out my insides. Just turned 31 this year, this shit is not any easier than when I was a teenager.
How did you make it through that first night? The second? The third? Is it really just time? I feel like my body is too old to survive another heartbreak.
I’m 35 and feel like I’m never going to have another relationship, can you spare any of that reassurance for me? I’m having a very shitty time right now.
Damn, op is 31 but at 35 you’re one foot in the grave. Nah jk. Listen don’t worry about meeting someone. Just go out and make friends in person. Literally you can just go to the same public place every day and meet all the regulars. Helps if it’s some kind of group activity or knowledge sharing activity. Get into something and make some friends; if you keep at it you’ll meet someone that makes each other’s parts will tingle. And if not you’ll have a bunch of friends.
All life is suffering. You can suffer the discomfort of loneliness or the discomfort of rejection. Probably at the end of the day they are equally uncomfortable but one of these options has the advantage of solving itself over time.
Another pro tip is to fill your head with positive, affirmative thoughts. Spend ten minutes in the morning repeating a lot of statements such as “I have conquered my fear of public speaking many times over; I love how I feel after a day of hard work; everywhere I go people smile at me.”
Use someone else’s list or write your own. Any thoughts you have that makes you feel empowered, write them down. If you spend some time on this in the morning, when your brain inevitably starts talking shit later in the day, it’s going to have these positive affirmations right at its finger tips. You WILL find that two things start to happen: you have fewer, negative, intrusive thoughts, and when you do have them, they won’t be as disruptive to whatever your plans and goals are. It really works. If you follow along with a premade positive affirmations video on YouTube, I guarantee you will notice results the same day. 10 to 30 minutes every morning. Will change your life.
My self-confidence is totally crushed at the moment, it’s honestly hard to do anything.
That’s when you most need to do it.
Here’s a link for you. Just listen to it with headphones and try to say the phrases out loud along with her (or repeating after her if there are pauses between them). Nice female voice for you even.
You do not have to believe these phrases as you say them. It’s like when someone says “don’t think about a horse,” and because humans are so silly, we immediately think of a horse.
You say these things and the phrases are stated in such a way that they trick your subconscious into believing. People say it even works if you play these through headphones as you sleep, because your subconscious brain still hears a lot of it. Your brain is already affecting you with things that are not true, “I’m a total loser” “I’ll never have any friends” “I should not have moved to this city.” Whatever.
Doing things feels hard because you’re avoiding the emotions that come from negative thoughts about the thing you want to do, and what those negative thoughts might mean about you. It’s a trap. If your brain is saying shit to you like “should/shouldn’t have” or “always/never” it’s cue right away that whatever your brain is saying is not true. Positive affirmations will help.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yo1pJ_D-H3M
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://m.piped.video/watch?v=yo1pJ_D-H3M
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
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When you start to think about how lonely you are just remember the bad times from your previous relationships. That’s what I do and I don’t care if I ever date anyone again. I’m just focusing on myself and being the best I can be. For me to let someone else in at this point they’d have to be pretty special to not drag me down and at my age single people like that are few and far between.
Did that for two years after the last relationship broke down. Tried again, immediately hurt. I want to love somebody, with everything that involves.
You can. My point was that in the mean time you can remember that being in a relationship isn’t always so great so you don’t fixate on the loneliness so much and can instead be productive. It also helps you to not give off an air of desperation when you meet new women if you approach them as you would anyone else instead of only as potential romantic partners (if you are prone to that).
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I just feel very rejected, it’s triggered the same abandonment issues from childhood. I actually hate dating, maybe I love too easily.