I know it’s nobody’s fault but my own that I’m disgusting trash. I know it’s unreasonable and unrealistic to expect anyone to like me. I don’t know what is so wrong with me. I understand I’m ugly, poor, stupid, annoying, and so on. My physical attributes are underwhelming at best.

People simply do not see me in a romantic way. I do my best to avoid being a creep. I know sometimes just being looked at by someone like me is offensive. I try to never say anything that would ever make anyone uncomfortable. I read online about how to act or not act so people like you. I greet everyone by name, I ask how they are, I’m compassionate and empathetic. I’m not a man although I’m supposed to be. I wish I could take hormones and actually be a man, but they say my testosterone is fine. I’m not tough and my beard grows sporadically.

I can’t change the things that are wrong. I’m overweight but only slightly, and I only looked worse when I went lower. I’ll never get taller and I’ll always be “short” at 5’9". Fundamentally my personality is flawed. I mean, besides being ugly I’m also an extremely mediocre person. My hobbies and interests are all cringe embarrassments. Things are worse if I like them. Everything I do is wrong. I’ve never made the right decisions and I’m not successful.

Everyone else is more important than me. Everyone else matters. They deserve compassion and understanding but I do not. I hate everything about myself and have for a long time. I hate myself in the past and the future. I never suffer enough. I’m never miserable enough. I should have just done better. I remember my first mistakes began in kindergarten and only ever snowballed from there.

I try not to have unrealistic expectations. I don’t expect anyone who isn’t also flawed to like me. I’m not trying to date models. I just want to be okay existing and be accepted by regular normal people. Everyone is always dating or having intimate relations. All the worlds an orgy, but I’m not invited.

I guess all of that to say, I accept that I am an ugly loser, I accept I’m not good enough, but how do I cope with that? What’s the point of life when I’ll be excluded from so much of it?

And please, I know I should just be different, but I’m not. I wish my parents had killed me at birth. I don’t understand why they didn’t. If I could be a different person I would. If I could inhabit another body, I would. So telling me to just stop being so horrible, when every day I try my hardest not to be, won’t help. I’m already as nice, forgiving, understanding, as I can figure out how to be. I try to carefully answer. I try to say the right thing, the most helpful and ideologically correct statement.

Also no this is not AI, I’m just a psycho. This comic caused me legitimate psychological damage.

I am fully prepared to die during the revolution. I would die today if it would help advance our cause.

  • Lyudmila [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    73·
    27 days ago

    Susan, forced to accept sexual harassment from a boss due to workplace hierarchy: “aw you’re sweet! (Wish I could call hr on this fucking asshole, but they’ll just fire me because their job is to protect the boss.)”

    Susan, not denied the right to complain about sexual harassment from a coworker: “hello, HR?”

    I’m going to be real with you, your finances and physical appearance matter very little to all but the most shallow 5% of people. The actual barrier to relationships in these scenarios is always and unfailingly due to personality. Your self-hatred is both concerning and very visible in the way you write about yourself. You have constructed/fallen for a narrative of incel victimization which affects your personality negatively. The words you use and the way you talk about yourself are enormous red flags indicating severe self-hatred and severe depression. That is why people have little interest in spending time with you.

    People don’t like incels, not because they’ve arbitrarily decided to victimize them, but because they’re miserable in a way that makes everyone around them deeply uncomfortable. Misery loves company, but nobody else wants to be miserable.

    • gueybana [any]@hexbear.netBannedEnglish
      383·
      27 days ago

      I’m going to be real with you, your finances and physical appearance matter very little to all but the most shallow 5% of people.

      I don’t understand how one can look around and come to this conclusion. Platitudes that fly against every analysis we make wrt every other topic are somehow accepted here in discussions such as dating.

      Your looks matter in dating, your material conditions matter, your race matters, your personality matters, the cards you’ve been dealt with in life matter. In fact, so much of not being lonely, having community, or having intimate relationships, comes down to things outside of your own control.

      This isn’t to say you can’t do your best to improve, even get what you want…’chance favors the prepared mind’ and ‘not trying won’t get you anywhere’ so on and so forth….but it’s also a little empowering, if nothing else, to know that some things are not your fault, that you’re going up shit creek without a paddle.

      OP wasn’t born feeling this way

      I know it’s nobody’s fault but my own that I’m disgusting trash.

      He was made to feel this way, and while he is trapped in a depressive cycle that makes it impossible for him to acknowledge positive moments and reaffirming thoughts, his experiences are probably not a result of isolated instances by a minority of people

      • Lyudmila [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        391·
        27 days ago

        The user is trapped in a depressive cycle that makes it impossible for him to acknowledge positive moments and reaffirming thoughts. He has spent likely years building up and weaponizing his own brain against himself and his very identity has become about how much he hates himself.

        Yet somehow this is the fault of society women.

        Every single time someone posts an incel screed like this, women show up and tell them exactly what they’re doing wrong, reaffirming that they are absolutely not a “nice guy” because the actions they describe as kind or normal are neither of those things. Every single time, the same handful of users show up to make the same reply over and over:

        We can explain it to you, but we can’t understand it for you. I am so very tired of having this conversation at least once a month on this site.

        • gueybana [any]@hexbear.netBannedEnglish
          202·
          27 days ago

          Awfully uncharitable take given what I wrote. I’m not engaging in this incel/‘’nice guy’ internet discourse bullshit.

          Btw, you know what else matters? OP’s lived experiences. You haven’t run through the entire spectrum of life, you haven’t been in his shoes, and you don’t know with certainty how to actually fix what ails him. Youmve convinced yourself that you know more than he does, that you’re better than him but what’s far likelier is that you’re luckier than he is in some way shape or form. Whatever solution your prescribe to him might even work, might be the objectively correct way to tackle things, but it’ll come immeasurably harder to him and should he get there, his success should be celebrated because he did a lot more than other people have to do.

          • Midnight_Pearl [any, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
            27·
            27 days ago

            but what’s far likelier is that you’re luckier than he is in some way shape or form

            you don’t know Lyudmila’s lived experiences either

            most people who get sucked into incel rhetoric are sucked into it because the incel movement actively tries to project new insecurities onto men as a means to recruit them, which isn’t an unreasonable conclusion to make from OP’s post given the misogynistic incel bait comic and the toxic masculinity-driven talking points about being too short at 5’9" and not having “manly” facial hair.

    • Le_Wokisme [they/them, undecided]@hexbear.netEnglish
      30·
      27 days ago

      I’m going to be real with you, your finances and physical appearance matter very little to all but the most shallow 5% of people. The actual barrier to relationships in these scenarios is always and unfailingly due to personality

      can’t get your foot in the door if nobody opens it when you knock. There’s a minority of extremely shallow people, sure, but lookism is everywhere. People of all genders get rejected before personality can even be evaluated.

      If someone is posting about these woes I don’t assume that they’re so forward about their problems in different social contexts (and if you are, OP, don’t) but I don’t understand how someone is supposed to present these problems without coming off that way.