It doesn’t fucking matter what I do I’m playing some game with some old friends online and ten minutes later as I’m laying in bed I just feel more empty and lonely than I ever knew was even possible. I’m sorry for just making these posts and never replying to any of the messages. I don’t want online friends I want real friends. I want to smell people, hug people, kiss people, hear them breath, I want to feel someone next to me, I want to be touched in all the places I’ve never been touched before, I want to be tender to someone else I want to cry with someone else. I want to fall asleep next to someone, I want to wake up next to someone I want to feel their warmth but in the thirty years that I have lived so far that hasn’t happened and I just dont see how it will ever happen but I don’t want anything else out of life there’s no point to any of the rest of it if i can’t share it fully with other people. If this is what my life is going to be like I don’t want it
I’m older than you. Was married, am currently separated. I have amazing kids who I live with. I organize in real life. I have lots of really good friends in real life who share my interests and who I see often. I play online games with my friends as well. And I also completely understand the loneliness you’re feeling.
I miss having a romantic partner. It’s been many years since I’ve been hugged or hugged someone who wanted to be around me in a romantic way. I miss smelling people too. I miss someone wanting me to touch them. In fact I can barely remember what it’s like. I have been feeling very lonely lately, and it’s not because I don’t have friends or family. Honestly I think there is something up with society and the pressures that are ingrained into the current capitalist system that tie any kind of loneliness to a sense of failure and to something will never change. And I also wonder if online interactions make it worse. I feel my loneliest right after I interact with my friends online.
But you know what this is a manufactured thing, the idea that how things will be permanent. Things change. Things change all the time and can do so quickly! The present and future are all that matter. You could meet someone tomorrow who falls in love with you, and it would feel like they’ve always been there. Don’t dwell on the time in the past, because when something changes in the future, the past won’t even matter anymore.
You deserve to find someone and be loved. And I believe that you will, and it could be anytime.
I have never even kissed a woman. I imagine it’s very fun and wonderful and sweet and nice. The last time any woman showed interest in me was ten years ago. I want to go on dating apps or whatever but no one had taken any good pictures of me in like four years. I’ve become a much more confident and well rounded person over the last decade but that just doesn’t seem to matter at all. I’m almost thirty and can’t take care of myself. I’ve got one friend in this city and we fit together so we’ll but whatever she is looking for in a man I’m just not. I feel terrible for feeling this way. I do not want to feel this way. I want to be friends with her but I just can’t help wanting to kiss her and be close to her. I don’t want to be a fucking creep, but every time after we go to the movies I don’t want to say goodbye and go home alone. I feel good when I’m around here, but as soon as she’s out of sight I feel completely empty. We’re both almost thirty and she’s standing right in life and doing reasonably well for herself but I’m just an idiot who can’t get a job or anything. She wants to have children at some point and if that’s what she wants she’d be stupid to love me. I can barely afford to take care of myself and everything is getting more and more expensive and impossible and stressful every single day. I want to stop feeling this way it’s just getting worse and worse