peppersky [he/him, any]

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Joined 2 年前
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Cake day: 2023年8月27日

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  • why do i have to beg for even an ounce of human interaction, what kind of social ubermensch would i need to be to not be lonely as all hell. i love how the continuing and never-ending housing crisis has made it so that even people who don’t actually want to live together with other people need to have roommates, leaving me with fucking assholes who sure can pretend to want to be roommates when they get to know you, but then nonchalantly tell you that the happiest time they’ve ever spent in the shared apartment that they’ve lived in for five years were the three months that they lived in it alone. like ok you’ve got a girlfriend you are at every weekend ok then move in together just get the fuck away and let someone else move in who might feel more like actually living together who doesn’t see this giant shared space as anything other than a cheap place to shower and sleep.

    and then people tell you to not to care about romantic relationships too much, when its clear those are the only relationships that are ever allowed to last. i dont want to plan my life alone. i do not want to make every decision alone. i do not want all my relationships to be temporary. i do not want to be a single social atom floating around in the emptiness that is “there is no such thing as society” society we live in. i want to go home and find somebody there who cares for me. i want somebody to tell me they want me, i want somebody to tell me they want me.

    that is not a weird thing to want. that is not a special thing to want. that is a very normal human thing to want and a very normal thing to be sad about not having.


  • Man I so hate the fact that I searched for a new place for three years, found one that was cheap and had seemingly chill roommates and now I just feel more sad and lonely than I ever felt at the old shitty place. Like sure the last place was shittier and more expensive and I kinda hated my roommates, but at least there I didn’t want to hang out with them and I had a cat to cuddle with. Here is hurts that my roommates seemingly just aren’t interested at all in doing stuff and I just feel like a total fucking loser for wanting to do stuff with them but I so don’t feel like having to beg to hang out and feeling like everything gets initiated by me.