I might be way off the mark here but the more I think about self crit and my own neurodivergence (maybe I’m been a bit black and white about this) the idea of having a sub where people go to self flagrate over their mistakes to signal to us they are reformed?

I dunno chat.

I’ve lurked here a while and while some of the drama on here has been funny or sad or anger inducing, at no point did I ever feel satisfied reading a self crit post. I never felt “oh the sights clean now time to make an account”.

I butted heads with incels on here immediately and while those people genuinely made me uncomfortable i don’t wish to see a selfcrit from them. In fact it would frankly appear disingenuous and virtue signally to me.

Like if people get called out then it’s on them to go do the homework, I don’t expect to have to mark it though. The people I butted heads with about that incel thread got comments removed and temp banned. That seems reasonable to me. I’ll die inside if I see a self crit on it.

I dunno I think there’s a lot of neurodivergence on this site, myself included. We try to make it a safe space for everyone which is great.

I think what I’m worried is that a culture exists on here where if a ND makes a mistake, they may feel cut off and left out from a community they need for socialising and support unless they make a self flagrating post further signposting their mistakes.

There’s a very niche and cool silly culture on this site. For a lot of ND people who don’t have supportive irl group I can’t imagine how it would feel to make fuck up and then feel locked out or lost this clique. I don’t think making a new account is the answer either because people’s accounts and history are representatives of who they are so to lose that for some might be like losing their identity as well. Maybe I’m projecting here but if I really embarrassed myself and didn’t think people would talk to me as much on here because of it and that the only way to fix it was a self crit post. That’s scary.

And then when i see self crit posts I feel like “damn nobody needed this, it feels uncomfortable to see this” like them getting dog piled and a temp ban wasn’t enough punishment.

Like it felt maybe relevant when the admins/mods did some self crit on their behaviour but like they run the site so that kinda makes sense (not really)… or it might have if they all did it, so far I only saw like a few and even then it felt uncomfortable to read their comments.

Clearly they made a mistake and having to convince faceless terminally online people that they had the sites best interests at heart was sad to watch given they clearly did care cos of the graft they put into the site.

I dunno I don’t see the point in this comm personally but I’m bored, my tamagotchi just died and I have always kinda thought this since the comm appeared so like yeah, let me know what I’m missing because I’m not the world and obviously my single view will be bias and full of holes or missing context.

Until then the sub feels a bit like todd asking cheaters on fo76 to write an apology letter and it feels like a bit of a toxic power dynamic to have it on the site kinda looooming as an example of what happens to the naughty hexbears.

Edit: lmao I’ve deleted and undeleted this twice cos I’m scared of getting grief but then I’m kinda proving my point doing that so I’ll be a big girl and leave it up.

  • the_post_of_tom_joad [any, any]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    edit-2
    24 days ago

    convincing myself I’m hated and everyone will abandon me. That’s a dooooozy

    I wish i could help you with this, but if just telling you ‘don’t worry!’ was enough my psychologist would need a second job lol. Luckily all you have to do is give everything of yourself without putting too much of the weight of that self on anyone, ever and they won’t. <–this is a joke about how i feel about my version of this lifelong anxiety with my friends)

    Anyway! I gotta go eat now, imma press you to take a look into hyper-empathy so you can kinda understand whether or not it feels like you. Learning about it was helpful to me anyway, gave me a bit of context, and helped me manage it a bit, if really just a bit, an’ if you’ll excuse any oversteppin? I want that for you.

    Context: friendship offer, hunger.

    • Verenata@hexbear.netOP
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      24 days ago

      Oh no don’t be daft you do not have to or feel obliged too.

      I’m in a good place with it when I’m in a healthy routine and such. It’s when life takes the piss I lose control of my thinking usually when my anxiety triggers it. It’s all a process I understand now with some help, it’s on me to get my routine back to support what I was taught but thank you and honestly learning about this hyper empathy has really helped as it will help me control and notice when I’m doing it!! Thank you thank you.

      Go eat nerd.

      Tone: happy!!