Today I was with a group of colleagues. We’re all teachers. We’d just got done with a meeting and were gathering up our things before lunch. I asked the group if anyone had a certain resource. “Hey, does anyone have a copy of such and such standard I could print?” No answers. Not that everyone was quiet. They just kept talking amongst themselves. It’s not like I was trying to but into their conversations either. I was participating, at least somewhat. So I asked again when I felt like there was a natural lull. Still nothing. I looked directly at some of them too. Just blank stares.
This doesn’t happens to me a lot, but often enough that I fear it. And when it does happen it causes me a lot of anxiety. I don’t know what it is. I feel like a child, like when my older brother would purposely ignore me when we were kids.
I’m pretty attentive to other people when they talk to me. When I’m in big groups I try to make sure everyone is heard. I never want anyone to feel left out or unheard. Am I missing some social understanding that seems obvious to everyone else? Should I speak louder? Say different words? Most of the time I just shrink and walk away from whatever I wanted to say. I feel like people hear me but don’t want to respond.
I don’t know. It just stings. Maybe it’s just an insecurity I’ve harbored since I was little. I feel silly for posting this, but I’ve never really asked if this happens to anyone else.
Yeah, happens to everyone from time to time. More likely to happen the bigger the group, because they think ‘ah, someone else will answer that’… Then nobody does, and then it becomes awkward to reply. A good person replies no matter the awkwardness, but a lot of people have very tight and egoistic senses of self.
It also is more likely to happen if it’s a tough question/a question that will require actioning. It’s one of those annoying phenomenons. No one blanks a personal ‘hows it going!’ - lots of people blank a group directed ‘can someone check the stock room for a stapler?’
It also could’ve just been coincidence. Everyone was thinking about something else in their heads.
a sort of conversational bystander effect? 🤔 wonder if the same remedy – picking a person to directly address instead of addressing the group – would work, or would it be too awkward for use with people you see repeatedly? (or maybe even seem confrontational or imperious?)
@[email protected] this happens to me too occasionally, and it does feel terrible
sorry that we have this in common!
I’d say yeah, just be that person. If someone won’t listen, sometimes you have to make them listen. Nothing wrong with that.