The day a dildo comes with WiFi and an integrated accelerometer. The vibration function is $7.99/month. For an extra $3.99/month, it extends three inches. I’m not sure why I joke about that, I’m sure it’s already a thing.

Sophisticated computer scripts

if (request) { Connection.Stream(video); }

We paid for cable and streaming services too. They’ll milk us to dust, then run ads on the remaining pile.