On an existential level, a cosmic blip of conciousness inhabiting a stinky primate. Totally insignificant on the grand scale, but also my own personal god. Ultimately, my experience begins and ends with me, so who else but myself should I seek to please? Dont get me wrong, I’m not a sociopath, one of my many joys in life (for which I feel incredibly fortunate) is being kind and loving to my friends and family, helping others to succeed in their goals and being a positive influence in general.
I also beleive us to be in a deterministic universe, so you might call one a “perfect version” of themselves, in that they are exactly where they always would have been.
Do you also get flushed in the face? Seems like some kind of alcohol intolerance. Theres a gene thats common in east asians that can cause this. A vietnamese friend of mine has a similar reaction when he drinks.