trying to decide if I should learn Mandarin in case China because the new global hegemon or if I should learn Spanish for when I get sent to an El Salvadorian prison for being trans (I will learn neither because I am incapable of doing any task that requires consistent effort over multiple days)
I had a 3DS as a kid and instead of walking I’d just shake it up and down and it counted it as steps
slept for 19 hours and I’m still tired 
i think I’m just tired of having to live life
I’m alone with my thoughts quite often
I’ve had therapist suggest breathing exercises and stuff like that and it just don’t help me, like it just doesn’t do anything for me
I have no life and I must post
idk I don’t really “get” meditation, or mindfulness, or what being present with one’s self means
dads are so fucking shitty
I’m too sensitive and everything upsets me this fucking sucks
Yeah weeds legal here plus there’s lots of dispensaries but I’d feel awful doing that, not going to scam anyone
I’ve just got to wait it out which is probably good for me anywhichway, lowers tolerance
I’d do just about anything for weed atm 
but I can’t waste my money on shit like that at this point
first we hex, then we bear. Let’s hexbear!
It’s one of my favorite games, I keep wanting to play the sequel but I’ve got no money to get it plus my computer is dogshit so I’d have to upgrade that first and that costs even more money
I exercised for the first time in forever today, it wasn’t much, just 30 mins on the treadmill, but much better than nothing
plus I applied to a lot of jobs today. Maybe shit could be turning around for me for once who knows 
Jimmy just frustrated me so so much. He acts so irrationally and strangely and his actions just don’t make a whole lot of sense
The Mike parts were also fairly silly and pointless. Like Mike doesn’t have any sort of character development, in episode 1 of BCS he’s still the exact same personality and ideals as he has when he first shows up in BB, and we know who lives and dies based off of who makes it to BB and who doesn’t so there are no stakes
oh god I’ve lost so much sleep over intrusive thoughts too. In the past I was always afraid that someone would hurt me in the night and so as I was falling asleep (I sleep on my stomach) I had to turn around and scan the room every couple of seconds. I couldn’t sleep in the dark because then it was harder to check the room so I slept with the lights on. I didn’t get over that until last year. And yeah you’re right, the only way to get over it is just ignoring it. No matter how many times I thought to myself “no one is actually there” it never comforted me and I had to turn around and check. The only thing that worked was ignoring it. God that month or so when I started refusing to turn around but before the intrusive thought really went away I got almost no sleep
chat I’m running out of the will to live