I honestly don’t feel any shred of good right now. Hurricane Milton practically has made me feel life-threateningly distressed, and nothing is being done about it because this country would rather pour in billions into and . When Milton hit, I was constantly in fear that I was not gonna be able to recover from it, and that fear was completely true.

I’m back in the same horrid cycle of constantly job hunting and worrying about my ability to stay alive because my existence is not going to be profitable so long as I have to keep trying and failing to make myself profitable. I have even lower confidence this time around, though. I’m likely not going to get a job soon, and I’ve accepted that based on experience. I had to leave my last job because when I came back after being unable to work for a week due to Milton, I wasn’t able to perform as effectively and staff was very unforgiving. That’s not to mention that it’s a libshit NPO and they misgendered and did shit like that, even though they claimed it’s “against their policies” and that they “take discrimination very seriously.”

I have job interviews coming up, I’m doing applications constantly, and I’m staying inside for the most part as I’m entering a phase of depression that makes going outside nearly impossible. My appetite is decreasing, and fucked thoughts continue to cross my mind. Though I’ve been in really horrid situations that made me want to die in the past but have since moved past them, my biggest worry continues to be that every time I get back into a situation like this, this time may be the time that I don’t “move past it.”